The Jerk Factor

Today's entry is a little bit different than previous entries. I'm not going to go so far as to call it a rant, but perhaps an exploration of something I've found true but nevertheless mind-boggling.

So here it is. The ultimate question: 

Why is a certain degree of douchebag-ness in a man sometimes (gulp)... attractive?

Ok, you got me, I just wanted an 

excuse to ogle Clive Owen.

Ugh, I hate that I even WROTE that sentence, mainly because I am a faithful proponent of nice guys everywhere. Nice guys, please don't misunderstand. I am steadfastly staying on your side. You know who you are. You're the men who respect women and woo them with real dates. The men who understand that compliments go a long way. The men who would offer to wash dishes if a meal was made for them. The men who hold doors. For people other than themselves.

I guess it's part of my newfound fascination with vampires (I know, gross) that brought this up. I mean, vampires are NOT nice guys. They want to suck your BLOOD for god's sakes. So why are women around the world all hyped up over pasty, cold men who may or may not want their next girlfriend to be their lover-slash-snack?

All I can say is that it's like a disease... some women have it worse than others. I won't name names (cough, my mother, cough), but I know women both old and young who have found the same information to be true. Symptoms can be as severe as spending years of your life with various men who are moody, tyrannical, and downright mean, or they can be way less pronounced. Like the ones I see in myself... hints that I'm not completely resistant to the gravitational pull assholes sometimes have. Hints that are frightening.

I have a few theories, although since my experience with jerks is (thankfully) low on the spectrum, I doubt any of them are very good. I would also like to say that for all of you covert WMWC readers out there (I suspect I may have some...) feel free to comment with your own theories.

Here they are:

1) The "Patron Saint of the Assholes" Theory.

It's been said, time and again, that women are often looking for a project (though, of course, we shouldn't be.) Sometimes I think we gaze at the handsome, brooding jerk and we think "Maybe... just maybe... if he fell in love with me, I could save him!" Oh, you mean turn him into the nice guy you really need? He doesn't need, or want, your saving.

2) The "Good In Other Departments" Theory.

This one doesn't need much explanation. Essentially, I think we subconsciously look at someone who's attractive and a terrible person and think "Well, he might be good at other things." Mostly we're thinking about, well, bedroom things. I personally blame the movies, since the "bad guys" in movies seem to fulfill this theory. Exhibit A: Vampires.

3) The "Accessories Make The Man" Theory.

Many stereotypical bad guys come with a lot of good visual accessories. You think "Good Guy" and you think... I don't know, khakis or something. Jeans that don't fit right. A hat their mom gave them. Glasses. You think "bad guy" and you think leather jacket, devil-may-care attitude, sexed-up car. Maybe if the good guys learned to dress themselves, we shallow women wouldn't have to outsource to their devilish nemeses.

And finally...

4) The "Clearly We Enjoy Suffering" Theory.

Falling in love with men who reek of "this-will-only-end-in-tears" is purely a sign of masochistic tendencies.

I know things aren't black and white, and that the entire species called "Man" can't be divided up into "Guys who will call you back" and "Guys who will wreak havoc on your life." But I think many women wouldn't deny the fact that there is a strange, exotic pull towards the men who are trouble with a capital T.

I, for one, will continue to ignore it.