How I Spent My Weekend

Or rather, with whom.

Cheekbones much?

I'm thinking about retitling this post "Why I Am a Detestable Human Being," but I'm not going to, because that might be a little bit harsh.

Last night around 6:30 p.m. I came home from 8 hours of rehearsal to find the most glorious presents sitting on my bed, looking epic and delicious:

New Moon and Eclipse. Eek!

For all of you readers who aren't, well, teenage girls, here's the gist. Those are books 2 and 3 of the Twilight series. Yes, that one. The one written by the Mormon woman who somehow sustains close to 2,000 pages worth of sexual tension between a mortal and a vampire over the course of 4 books. The one that's clearly written for 14-year-old girls who read magazine articles about "How To Kiss A Boy" (I was TOTALLY one of them. No surprise there.)

Still, I pretty much peed my pants when I saw them sitting on my bed in all their beautiful, bloodsucking glory.

*Clears Throat*

A Scene:

Door closes. A worn out Cupcake Lover dumps her purse and coat by the door, happy to be home, thinking she could use a shower after 3 hours of waltzing at rehearsal. She ponders what she'll do tonight, and although she knows she could venture out into New York City, her poor feet are screaming No! Let us be! It is at this moment that she trudges into her room and sees two shiny books. Hardcover. Ominous red and black cover design. Could it be?

It could!

Me: AHHH! HOW did these get here!? What? Where? How?

Editors Note: My roommate, BiddyLuddy, works at the Doubletree Hotel.

BiddyLuddy: I got them from the lost and found! They were left there in November! I saw them and I was like "Oh my God! She would love these!"

Me: I love you sooooo much!!

In that moment, Cupcake Lover runs to BiddyLuddy and embraces her, an action that is both sudden and out of character for the hug-averse CL. She soon returns to glance at her books, poring over them, wondering what fate will await lovelorn Bella and Edward and their Forever Vampire Love.

Ahh, Forever Vampire Love. At least, that's what I've decided to call the ties that bind the book's protagonists. In fact, I said it out loud like ten minutes ago when I finished book two and decided my life is lacking in two things:

1. Someone to clean my room for me.

2. Forever Vampire Love.

Okay, that's totally a lie. Vampires wouldn't be any fun to love, at least not the Twilight ones. I mean, sure, they're super sexy and broody and whatnot, and I guess it's kind of hot to think that someone might want to kiss you AND eat you at the same time. But I would eventually tire of someone thinking of me as a sex kitten while also seeing me as a big steaming bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, or whatever.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to dwell on the details of Forever Vampire Love, but to get this off my chest: 

I READ THE TWILIGHT BOOKS. There, I said it.

(But in all seriousness, maybe you should too.)